A Light to Guide the Blind

Thanks for sharing Pat.


I read somewhere that only after the heart has been broken can it begin to feel and love. Like the heart needs cracks to allow the light in. I wish i could remember the words exactly, and find the picture to share here.

A Light to Guide the Blind
-Pat[2016]
I turned my back on my upbringing, denying a religion that was once my compass. I was confused and had many questions, filled with doubt caused by the events of the life I lived. I asked these questions to the ones I believed were infallible. The only answers I received were a nod in begrudged recognition and a shrug of indifference. These unanswered queries made the air I shared with these people stale and rotten. It turned my stomach, sickened me with each breath I took. I was nauseous with the hypocrisies of their limited words, the condescending attitude of them and their pious ideas that I once held in high regard. I couldn’t be in their presence any longer. I pushed aside everything that was related to this stench, repelled by a lingering odor doubt. This sickening odor came from no outside source, it came from me.
The child-like naïve joy of certainty was dead in me, as fatal disease of doubt spread over every belief I had. Undernourished by the lack of truth and withered by disappointment, my thoughts became a bouquet of dying thoughts and dreams. I was numb to all outside influence that had any divine link. I was cynical to any dogma related to a higher power because of the disappointment in their messengers.
Once I was a true believer, now I had become an atheist. This was the only logical way to think in my mind, believing in only the worst in mankind and their actions. How could these hypocrites not screw up everything they did and destroy all that they touch? Why should I believe them and what they say when everything they spouted was wrong or insufficient in my eyes? That was my twisted reasoning, what was true to all my tainted thinking. I chose to ignore the message because of the faulty messengers.
My cynicism was proven by each failure of my brothers and the disappointing world we shared. I stood in the judgement of those I perceived as fools, and took no responsibility for the state of this land. I felt superior to all the idiots that wreaked havoc on the world. I turned a deaf ear to any of their unconvincing preaching. I adamantly denied the lie of their better afterlife, the one you could find only when you left this world that they were so clearly destroying.
In this darkest place, I lived for years. Smug with cleaver insights and jaundice to all outside influence, I kept to myself. The only time I shared my new anarchistic revelations was when I spit out my venom like some fool at the end of the bar. I was the wise-ass with all the answers, but I couldn’t summon up the ambition to anything about anything. Outside of the dank cave of cynicism that I dwelled in there was a dim light that shown though a cracks of its faulty façade. This light slowly pulled me out of my dark negative home I was living in, and it lead me forward. This dissent light guided me out, into the illuminating truth from the other worlds that surrounded me. This beam of energy allowed me to see myself as the universe intended, a partner of a mighty divine spirit so that it could aid my own strength of will.
Perhaps I had to become an empty vessel. I had to spill out all that I held dear inside me, so I to could be filled up again with the real truth. The atheist I had become seemed to be essential to becoming the man I am today. I became a disbeliever so that I could see what I should truly believe in. This may be just another diversional track on my path to my understanding of the great mysteries, but there is something more to it than a mere distraction or a whimsical thought. This light of reason is so strong that it overwhelms anything that dares to share its space, it filled all my thoughts. I have witnessed the power of the God and Goddess’s wisdom, in strange anecdotal ensamples of the supernatural and also in my own unexplainable mystical experiences. To deny what I’ve experienced and what I’ve seen with my own eyes is not only wrong but counterintuitive. Facts are facts.
There is a real magic here, I cannot deny it. To do so is not right. So, now I make a declaration. I sing out a statement of belief. I sing to anyone that happens upon this small man’s voice, calling out in this incredibly vast universe. These words are humbly my own, but are inspired from ancient beliefs and a divine spirit. I share them with you and anyone else willing to listen to them. You are all someone I consider a friend, allies in this journey we are taking together. Even if you totally disagree with me and these ideas, you still have taken a small step with me along my path. I thank you all, and love each and every one of you. Marry meet, merry part and marry meet again.